|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 14, 2018 11:02:16 GMT -6
🙂 This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent."
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly." "Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."
|
|
|
|
Post by Dukemaddog on Sept 15, 2018 14:22:04 GMT -6
Yeah, heard that before and it is still funny. This Thread beats the "Word of the Day"; we need to keep it going. With all I'm going through, I need a laugh!
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 15, 2018 14:25:28 GMT -6
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 15, 2018 14:26:13 GMT -6
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
|
|
|
|
Post by Dukemaddog on Sept 16, 2018 14:32:22 GMT -6
LOL! Nice!
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 16, 2018 14:49:43 GMT -6
Why don't bald men have keys? It's because they don't have locks!  |
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 16, 2018 14:51:26 GMT -6
Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer? A: To keep an eye on the mouse!
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 16, 2018 14:52:58 GMT -6
An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. "You've got to be kidding," he said. "I'm almost 60 years old." The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. "The tip's for carding me," he said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. "Thanks," he said. "Works every time."
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 16, 2018 14:55:09 GMT -6
While she was visiting, my daughter asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told her. After three failed attempts to log on, she asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?” |
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 17, 2018 8:12:00 GMT -6
After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a lady wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.”
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 17, 2018 8:15:02 GMT -6
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “HaÂÂ! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 17, 2018 10:20:04 GMT -6
|
|
|
|
Post by Dukemaddog on Sept 18, 2018 9:34:42 GMT -6
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 18, 2018 11:57:02 GMT -6
Glad you liked it Mark!!!  |
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 18, 2018 12:33:30 GMT -6
A little girl climbed up onto her grandfather’s lap and asked, “Did God make me?” “Yes,” the grandpa replied. “Did he make you, too?” “Yes.” “Well,” the girl said, looking at his wrinkles and thinning hair, “he sure is doing a better job nowadays!”  |
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 18, 2018 12:42:18 GMT -6
Confessions of a Store Santa:
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”
The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”
He promptly replied, “Another train.”
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
Likes:
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2018 13:48:31 GMT -6
That football one was funny.
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 18, 2018 15:05:43 GMT -6
I thought so too Ben!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by BUCKY on Sept 25, 2018 15:06:31 GMT -6
Joe called the bookstore the other day and asked the lady who answered the phone if she had any books on turtles.
"Hardbacks?", she asked.
"Yes", said Joe, "with little heads."
|
|
|
|
Post by JCON on Sept 25, 2018 18:09:38 GMT -6
Yup sounds just like Fightnjoe!!!
|
|
